a little rage is okay

Someone from the Austin Alzheimer's Association contacted me last week and asked if I would be willing to share my story/connection with Alzheimer's. They want to document what families go through when someone is diagnosed and possible use the story for the media. I was immediately torn. On the one hand, having to share my story would mean that I would have to think about the disease, think back to all of the hard and sad times, think ahead to all of the hard and sad times to come- I wasn't sure if I could do it. But, on the other hand, I thought about how much I would have loved to find someone's story like mine, when my dad was first diagnosed. It would have helped a tremendous amount to know that I wasn't alone. After thinking about it for awhile, I decided that I would do it. Yes, it is going to suck, but if it could maybe help one person, then it will be worth it. So, I agreed to do it.

I tried to start numerous times, but I couldn't. It was like I had writer's block or something. After two days, I finally just started typing whatever came to my mind. I didn't worry about formatting, spelling, how it sounded or anything. I just started. As I was typing, I found myself getting angry. I wanted to yell ALZHEIMER'S SUCKS!!!!

Before getting started, I asked if they wanted me to include anything in my 'story.' If they had any points they wanted me to talk about? She was very nice and said anything and everything I wanted to share. She gave me some great broad questions that helped me get started. One of the questions that was suggested to me was how does it make you feel? WELL, let me tell you! Alzheimer's makes me feel mad! Sad! Upset! Unfair! WHY US?! I could go on and on. Another question was how do you deal with it? Um, you can't. Just when you finally start dealing with one symptom, another one shows up, and it's like you have to start all over again. Frustrating? YES. VERY.

With my dad having this horrid disease, I am learning patience. My dad wrote me a very sweet Valentine's Day note. However, he spelled my name wrong... twice. On the envelope, he spelled it Kaitlin. In the letter, he spelled it Katlyn. (Which is at least a little closer then the first attempt.) This got to me. I am named KATELYN because of my dad. He liked the name Kate. My mom thought I should have a longer name, which lead to adding Lyn (after her sister.) They spelled it the way it is because of my dad. How does the person who named me forget how to spell my name?! Because I don't have Alz, I can't possibly understand. I have to remind myself that he can't help it. I can't let it hurt me. Patience. Thank you Jesus.

Trying to write my 'story' put me in a funk all day Saturday. But, I am doing it for that one person who might stumble across it when they need it. I don't like reliving the pain, but I know that it could possibly help someone in the future. I am thankful for this blog, because it lets me vent my anger and frustration. Now, I won't yell so much in the story I give to the Alzheimer's Association. I am going to be real and upfront in what I say. I am not going to sugarcoat what my family and I deal with, but I will try to do it with a little less rage and irritation. :)

Dear Lord, help me write. Please hold my hand as I relive what I sometimes try to forget.

colorado

I get to go to Colorado in TWO WEEKS! Best. News. Ever. I get to go to Denver and then Estes Park for a day. I can't wait! There is a good chance I will be talking about Colorado a lot over the next few weeks, so you should just get used to it.

grammy favorites

I watched a Grammy's fashion segment on Hulu yesterday, and I fell in love with some of the dresses! I don't think I would be able to pull off any of them, but oh how I wish I could. Some of these were not the top picks of the Grammy reports, but I think they should all be on the best dressed list.

I am slightly obsessed Keri Hilson's dress!

Julianne Hough ROCKED this.

Oh, Heidi Klum... How you sparkle in gold.

Love Love Love what Lea Michele is wearing. Love the accessories, the slit, the shoes- everything.

J Lo is dominating this look. Obsessed with the sparkles.

This entire dress is made of sequins. Enough said.

spoiled

I don't think I have ever felt more spoiled then I do right now. I had a WONDERFUL birthday and Valentine's Day. Warning: I will now brag/discuss my weekend.

Friday night- I had a migraine (sucks) but Brad came over and surprised me with beautiful red roses. We tried to watch Star Wars (his pick, obviously), but I couldn't do it. I was in too much pain, so he had to go home early.

Saturday (actual birthday)- Brad came over with Starbucks coffee and made me a delicious brunch- bacon, pancakes and eggs. Then, we went shopping for my birthday present- a new piece of furniture! He wanted me to pick out the one I wanted. After I found the right one, we took it back to my house and got it all situated. He left, and my mom and sister came over. They gave me fun presents and hung out for awhile. My mom, sister, sister's fiancée, Brad, cousin Will, cousin Natalie, Aunt and Uncle all went to ZTejas for dinner. I think that was my favorite part of my day! It is always so funny when my family gets together. After dinner, the "kids" went to Union Park and joined some of my friends for a drink. Perfect day! I received fun phone calls and texts all day... I felt so loved!

Sunday- I got my life together... laundry, cleaned my apartment, watched a movie, etc. I went over to Brad's for dinner, where he grilled some hamburgers for us.

Monday- I was super surprised by a dozen roses at work by my cute valentine. I didn't think I was getting flowers because I already got flowers on Friday! Monday night, Brad made me dinner- steaks, shrimp, salad, and more. I made some chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. It was a great relaxing night. Like I said yesterday, I am not really into Valentine's Day. I didn't want to go out or do anything big for it, so Brad making me dinner at home was perfection.

All in all, it was a WONDERFUL weekend. My family and friends made me feel very spoiled and loved... I am a lucky girl! :)

The piece of furniture Mom and Dad got me.

The piece of furniture Brad got me.

referral

I have never really been into Valentine's Day. I don't really know why, but it's just not my thing. HOWEVER, if you are one of those people who love the "holiday"- PLEASE go visit my friend Cat's blog. This girl is hilarious- especially when it comes to Valentine's Day. She is slightly obsessed with the day. So, if you are like her, I know you will love her blog.

valentine decor

I am REALLY into home websites and blogs. I used to look online for clothes, but lately, I am all about furniture and home decorations. I can't buy most of what I find, but I have become slightly obsessed with looking online. In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided to go with a pink and red theme for this decoration board. I found great items at Anthro, Pottery Barn, Kirklands and Ralph Lauren. I love all of these!

my momma

My mom is amazing. She is the person I look up to most. If I can be half as good of a mom as she is, I will consider life a success. After my dad was diagnosed, her role drastically changed. She is:

-a full time working mother

-payer of all the bills/manages the money

-the person we go to when we have a question

-person who takes care of my dad

-the one who keeps our family together

She is the person I turn to when I have a bad day, good day, have a funny story... everything. She juggles so much, and yet, she never complains. I know she gets tired, but she keeps on going. How does she do it?! I have no idea. All I know is, I would be absolutely LOST without her. I seriously don't know what I would do.

I am telling you this because I have a funny story about her.

She is also planning a wedding. My little sister, Rebecca, is getting married in June...just around the corner! Needless to say, Lisa (my mom) has a lot on her mind. I think she is constantly planning the wedding in her head. My sisters and I joke with her because we think she sometimes forgets that this is REBECCA'S wedding... not hers. Lately, the wedding is all she can think about/talk about. Nothing else exists in this world... just Rebecca, Kyle and the wedding.

Recent conversation with my mom:

Me: Mom! Guess what! I found the perfect pair of shoes... the shoes I have been looking for! Will you look into getting them for me for my birthday? I will send you the link so you can look at them. They are so pretty!

Mom: Yeah Kate. The wedding is only 4 months away.

Me: What? Um focus. No wedding. SHOES!

Yup- this happened.

I love my mom... so much. I have been laughing at her lately because I sometimes want to yell GIVE ME ATTENTION! hah oh Lisa. She is funny. She has wedding stuff to do with Rebecca in Austin this weekend, so I get to see her! She says she is coming in town for my birthday, but I think we all know the real reason behind the road trip....

wish list

You know when you are walking through a store and something catches your eye? It's like everything else disappears and you only see that one special thing that jumps out at you? Well, I had that moment this weekend. Yes, ladies, I found them... the pair of shoes I have been looking for. Brad and I were walking through the shoe section at Dillard's, and they caught my eye. I, of course, had to stop and try them on! (Brad was very patient with me.) When I slipped them on, it was pure magic. They are Vince Camuto peep-toe pumps.... and I love them. I.MUST.HAVE.THEM

FUNNY STORY: I was working out on Sunday, and I put my iPod in my workout shirt. It has a pocket on the side, so it is really easy to throw your iPod in there and go about your work out... it is also really easy to forget about it being in there. As I was finishing up, I told myself to make sure I took my iPod out of my pocket before I washed it. (Common sense right?) I finish my work out, piddle around my house, and get my stuff together to do a load of laundry. I throw everything in, go back upstairs, take a shower and answer my phone. As I am on the phone, something clicks in my head... oh crap! I didn't take my iPod out of my shirt pocket!! I hang up on Brad (sorry), run downstairs, stop the laundry half way through... and find my lovely iPod super clean. UGH! Yup, that's right, I washed my iPod. I feel very dumb in admitting it. So, with that said, I have officially added a new iPod to my birthday wish list... I hope my parents read this...
I have decided on these beautiful plates for my new wall decorations. I currently have a black and white photo wall. My dad is into photography and takes a lot of random pictures. I framed a bunch of them and have enjoyed having them on my wall. However, I need a change. I talked about these plates a little bit in a previous post, but I have finally made my decision. I think they are BEAUTIFUL, and would be the perfect addition to my little shoe box. I am taking down the photos and putting up a bunch of these bright and colorful plates from Anthropologie!

genius

Glee songs are genius... only word to describe them. I find myself smiling so big when I am watching them. And when I say watching them, I mean rewinding them a few times to watch them over and over again. The mash-ups are INCREDIBLE. I loved the songs from the newest episode.

For example- the Worbler's performance of Bills, Bills, Bills.

We can't forget the Thriller/Heads Will Roll mash up....I couldn't find the video of this performance, but at least you can listen to the song. (I'm sorry- I know it isn't as much fun.)

focusing on the good

UGH. The news is depressing. I am so sick of reading about all of the devastating things happening in the world. Every time you read the paper or turn on the news, you hear about another shooting, another kidnapping, more death, more riots, losing jobs, losing money, pollution- the list goes on and on. It makes me want to not read the paper, but then I feel like I have no idea what's going on in the world... it is a never-ending cycle.

I wish there was a paper that listed all of the good things. I am fully aware of what kind of stories sell- what kinds of things people want to hear, but I also don't think I am alone in wanting to hear some good news. It makes me want to start a paper/blog/whatever that talks about the praises. I had a professor in college that would take the first 10 minutes every Monday and let a few people share their praises- what good thing happened to them. Some shared that a family member was healed, some shared about a hard exam they passed, someone got engaged, etc. I loved that we had a chance to focus on the positive things in life! I left each Monday class with my spirits a little bit higher. Why does our society focus solely on the negative? Negative things don't make people happy, yet we continue to focus on those things.

I am changing that today. I am going to try to focus on the good things in life. I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and that is what I should be thinking about! What are some of the positive things that have happened to you so far this week? What are some of your praises? I encourage you to join me in starting a new trend of focusing on the good.